Essential advice for actors navigating the juggle of parenthood and performance.
Managing your career as a parent is a full-time juggling affair. There’s a phenomenal buzz when all the jigsaw pieces known as ‘childcare admin’ fall into place – it’s almost as exhilarating as booking the acting job itself.
As a parent, you have one less thing to worry about because you know the little one(s) are covered and you have options B and C in your back pocket. As an actor, you can head off to the job, go be great and soak up everything you can. Being a parent doesn’t make you less committed to your acting career, it’s just that spontaneity gets replaced by infrastructure.
Accept That the Way You Work Might Change
Becoming a parent flexed and pushed certain muscles I wasn’t expecting, but it also brought about some unexpectedly difficult things about acting. Reading a script, for example, is different because I simply don’t have the time to do it the way I used to. I would carve out time, or go somewhere artsy if I wasn’t at home, grab a notebook and a drink – tea or a glass of wine depending on the time of day – and take my time. I could daydream about the character and be very leisurely about it.
Now? Once my little one is asleep or busy with an activity, I read fast. I get the information I need and I’m out of there. I make sure there are multiple reads throughout, but I’ve become more surgical about what I do with scripts and sides, as well as faster at deciding whether I want to work on a project. Parenthood has made me fast and decisive.
Self-tapes that arrive at short notice can’t always be helped either, but there can be acrobatics involved in getting them done. I’ve had to create a system that works. Sometimes that means getting my child involved so she knows Mama is about to work. Sometimes it’s a late night learning sides once my home is quiet, then filming the tape when the little one is at nursery.
It’s a readjustment.
Build Your Childcare Infrastructure
It’s incredibly useful when a self-tape comes in with even a rough approximation of the production schedule. When that happens, I can start pencilling in potential childcare should I need it. The minute a booking comes through, I go through the dates and alert my partner. If I get a recall, I’ll softly reach out to a few friends to check their availability – just in case things go my way and their support is needed.
My partner is the person I lean on most when it comes to childcare, but as a fellow creative, there are times when we have to look outside ourselves for help. If we can’t extend nursery hours, we fall back on our village of other friends who are creatives and parents and understand the juggle very well. They become the Plan A, B, C and sometimes D.
My system relies heavily on not panicking and remembering that most things can at least be explored. It’s letting my agent know what constraints I may have, asking casting or production what might be possible, and letting my village know I need some help. And yes, even if your village has one person in it…it’s still a village.
However, sometimes, the option may ultimately be saying no to an audition or a job. It hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m aware that one day it may be the only choice when nothing aligns childcare-wise.
Tell the People Who Can Advocate for You
Telling your agent or production about caring responsibilities can feel tricky, particularly for mums-to-be or those preparing to carry children. There can be a fear of losing your agent, losing a booking or people assuming you’re somehow less capable now that you’re becoming a parent.
Personally, I told my agent once I hit the three-month mark of my pregnancy, and we handled each production individually when it came to sharing that I was expecting. Each time my pregnancy was shared, with my consent, it was met with care and an immediate: “What do you need?” I was never made to feel as though I was an issue or a liability.
Your agent needs to understand how you’re feeling, whether you have any concerns about the auditions you’re receiving and what you might need on a job you’ve booked. Once they understand the lay of the land, they’re better able to advocate for you. I understand the worry that saying, “I can’t because of childcare” might make you look less committed. We’ve all heard the stories that surface every so often about creatives having terrible experiences because of caring responsibilities. But good communication gives everyone involved the information they need to work out what is – and isn’t – possible.
Don’t Say No Before They’ve Said No
If you don’t ask, you don’t get. I’ve always lived by this rule and as a mum, it has become even more important. You must find out what might be possible before assuming the answer is no.
Actors can eliminate themselves before anyone else has actually said no, telling themselves:
- I can’t tour.
- I can’t do that call time.
- They won’t accommodate me.
- I can’t bring my child.
Ask.
Your agent may be able to speak to casting or production on your behalf and find out what flexibility exists. If you need time or somewhere appropriate to pump or breastfeed, ask. If you have a costume call and breastfeeding affects what you need to wear, have that conversation. If pregnancy has changed your skin or hair, let the hair and make-up artists know. Not every request will be possible, but there’s a big difference between being told something can’t be accommodated and deciding it can’t before you’ve asked.
Be Specific About What Flexibility Would Actually Help
Flexibility can sound like a huge demand when, in reality, relatively small pieces of information can make an enormous difference when you’re organising childcare around an acting job.
For me, useful flexibility can look like advance notice of schedules, knowing roughly when I’m actually required on set, some flexibility around fittings or rehearsals where the schedule allows, and understanding travel arrangements as early as possible.
For a parent who is breastfeeding or expressing, it could mean discussing appropriate breaks, having somewhere private to express and somewhere suitable to store milk.
Avoiding unnecessary overnight stays can make a difference too – and, let’s face it, cutting unnecessary costs is generally welcomed in any field.
These aren’t necessarily things every production can provide, and caring responsibilities don’t mean every working requirement can be changed. The point is to communicate what would help and find out what is realistically possible.
Where an Access Rider Might Fit
Access riders are increasingly part of conversations about making working environments accessible, particularly for Deaf, disabled, neurodivergent and chronically ill performers.
For parent performers who also use an access rider, caring responsibilities may create additional practical considerations around an existing access need. More broadly, whether something belongs in a formal rider or simply needs an early conversation with your agent or production, I think the useful question is: What information would actually help the team help you?
That might involve discussing breastfeeding or expressing, travel, scheduling or another practical consideration that affects how you can work.
The aim isn’t to arrive with a list of demands. It’s to communicate early enough that, where possible, everyone has a chance to find a workable solution.
Sometimes Life Will Life – and Work Will Work
By now, I’m certain the phrase “Life is Life-ing right now” is firmly etched into all parenting dialogue. It definitely is in my circles. Despite me blowing the horn for what’s possible and what flexibility can look like, sometimes Life will Life and work will…well, work. Sometimes things can’t be solved no matter which way you look at it. Sometimes the job genuinely requires a 5am call, sometimes childcare falls through. Sometimes you spend more on childcare than you’d like, sometimes you miss bedtime and sometimes the answer to a request will simply be no. We have to be flexible with those realities too.
Managing my performing career has made me realise that parenthood hasn’t made me less ambitious about acting. If anything, it’s made me more organised, more decisive and much clearer about what I need in order to do my job and do it well.
In this parenting vs. career era, it isn’t about perfect balance; it’s about making the career sustainable.
About the Author: Raychel Addo
Raychel Addo is a professional actor and creative who has worked on high-profile projects for the BBC, Apple TV, and Netflix. Alongside her acting career, Raychel is passionate about exploring the intersection of motherhood and the arts, advocating for parent performers navigating the entertainment industry. Tune into her insights on the Milk and Mummies Podcast on YouTube or via Spotify.